Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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