Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
