When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
