Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
