I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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