he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
