I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
