These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
