I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
