well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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