Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Randomize
