Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
