Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
