trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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