so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
