He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
