Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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