I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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