Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
