fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
