1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
A bitchslap is in order.
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