Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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