i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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