Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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