I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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