so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
