I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
