Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
