So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
