Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Randomize
