I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
