Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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