I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
