all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
