highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
