I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
