I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was CRYING into my vagina
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
