I cannot find my penis.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So squirting runs in the family.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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