is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize