cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
