I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
