Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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