Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
