i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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