His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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