We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
