i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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