Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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