the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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