First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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