Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
