I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
