One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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