what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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