What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
