Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
