Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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