honey bunches of taint.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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