I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We're too hungover to prance.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
