You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
