and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
