My pussy is not your playground.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
