Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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