the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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